Pregnant Pause

Note: I saw this in my old multiply account, and I decided to post it here.

I was talking to my mom when I randomly said “What if I don’t want to have a baby,” and she said “Kaw bahala, basta hindi ako parang lola mo na magpapaka-martyr na mag-aalaga ng baby“.

I realized she thought I said “What if I want to have a baby”. As in akala niya I wanted one right now, tipong teenage pregnancy, and I can’t believe she didn’t even tell me that I shouldn’t do that. She was just like, “Sure do whatever you like, but just leave me out of it”. God, my mom is weird.

She never disallows me to do anything. Except wear short shorts ( I still wear them but sometimes I feel uncomfortable when I do) , saying swear words ( I still say them, but I’m trying to cut down na), and drinking (well she didn’t prohibit me, sabi lang niya wag masyado).

I guess that’s why I think I can do anything. I guess that’s why I’m brave enough to take an impractical career path such as writing because as a child I never experienced being told “No, you can’t do that”.

Just because she lets me do things, it doesn’t mean she’s always supportive. Like in my writing and singing. She allows me to live my dream, but I know deep inside she wants me to become a doctor or a lawyer. We did have a conversation dati when she said “Sure do whatever you like, but if you really want to be successful, you should try (insert prestigious job here)”.

She has her own opinions about my life but she never stops me from living it the way I want to. If she doesn’t like what I’m doing, she won’t go out of her way to help me out. Like, if I say “Ma, I think I wanna try drugs”. I bet she’ll say “Sure, but I won’t pay for it”.

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