Why do people stay in miserable situations or relationships?

It’s weird, but the hardest thing to do is leave something that makes you miserable. I’m lucky that I was able to leave the courses that I didn’t love (To Shift or Not To Shift), I left the job that I hated, I left the guy who didn’t love me back, and I left the guy who I liked but didn’t love.

I have a friend who hated her job, and I had to like talk to her for months, trying to convince her to leave, but eventually she was able to do it. I hated my previous job so much that I had end-of-work days when I’d be crying in the bus. When I finally confessed this to my friend, she said that she had days like that too. But she stuck with that job for two years while I left after five months.

These experiences are not at all as grave as domestic violence, but I can see that domestic violence is another miserable situation that women have a hard time leaving. When the victim finally gains the courage to leave, people ask her, “Why did you stay?” As if nobody else in the world would be stupid enough to stay in a miserable situation, when every person experiences staying in a miserable situation or a miserable relationship, albeit their experiences of misery might be in varying degrees.

Misery makes people stay. The experience of abuse shatters a person’s self-confidence. The abuser makes her feel that nobody else would want her, and so she stays thinking that this is the only thing that she deserves. It was precisely the abuse that made her too scared to leave. So don’t ask her why she stayed. Just support her as she leaves and rebuilds her life.

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Note: For some entries in this blog, a few names and details have been deliberately and willingly changed by the author. This is a personal decision made by the author for specific reasons known to her and is not an endorsement for censorship.

All the opinions expressed in this page and in this blog are my own and do not represent the official stances of the companies, institutions, and organizations that I am affiliated with. Why? Because tangina, I’m a person. I’m not just a manifestation of corporate interests. I have an identity that is separate from my company because even if human beings are paid for a service by corporations, human beings are not owned by corporations. For my salary, masyadong mura ko naman binenta ang pagkatao ko.

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