I’d Like to Give Up Insecurity for Lent

Okay the Lenten season is almost over, and I don’t really believe in all that chiz, but I like the practice of trying to give up a vice, except that I wish I could give up insecurity on a permanent basis, instead of just seasonally. Insecurity is a vice of the mind. You get used to chastising yourself and you get high from the satisfaction, from the assurance that you know you’re a piece of shit. It’s a protective blanket shielding you from all responsibility for all the imperfect facets of who you are and what you can do.

I wish I were too lazy to keep up the drama in my head, but no, I’m too diligent, in almost everything, including self-hatred. If you think about it, insecurity takes such effort. I mean come on, why let your mind go through all those doubts, worries, and self-admonishment when they aren’t necessary at all? I am seriously tired of doing this to myself, but I’ve already formed a lot of bad mental habits, and it’s going to take time to change. But I want to change. I want to trust myself. All this drama is just not worth it. It kills. It’s a waste of my time and brain cells. I want to do other things. I want to stop this.

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