I’d Like to Give Up Insecurity for Lent

Okay the Lenten season is almost over, and I don’t really believe in all that chiz, but I like the practice of trying to give up a vice, except that I wish I could give up insecurity on a permanent basis, instead of just seasonally. Insecurity is a vice of the mind. You get used to chastising yourself and you get high from the satisfaction, from the assurance that you know you’re a piece of shit. It’s a protective blanket shielding you from all responsibility for all the imperfect facets of who you are and what you can do.

I wish I were too lazy to keep up the drama in my head, but no, I’m too diligent, in almost everything, including self-hatred. If you think about it, insecurity takes such effort. I mean come on, why let your mind go through all those doubts, worries, and self-admonishment when they aren’t necessary at all? I am seriously tired of doing this to myself, but I’ve already formed a lot of bad mental habits, and it’s going to take time to change. But I want to change. I want to trust myself. All this drama is just not worth it. It kills. It’s a waste of my time and brain cells. I want to do other things. I want to stop this.

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Note: For some entries in this blog, a few names and details have been deliberately and willingly changed by the author. This is a personal decision made by the author for specific reasons known to her and is not an endorsement for censorship.

All the opinions expressed in this page and in this blog are my own and do not represent the official stances of the companies, institutions, and organizations that I am affiliated with. I am a person. I’m not just a manifestation of corporate interests. I have an identity that is separate from my company because even if human beings are paid for a service by corporations, human beings are not owned by corporations. 

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