Someday I have to write about lola’s death

When lola died, I couldn’t even write a Facebook post. I posted a photo of her, and I don’t know what status I placed with it. I don’t know if I even wrote “I’ll miss you.” It was like I couldn’t write anything that was an acknowledgement of what happened.

I wrote an entry I remember lola but that was just a list of her favorite things. I had a speech during her wake, but I never wrote it. I just settled on a few stories to tell and said them.

The months right after she died, I couldn’t write in this blog. I suddenly started cooking. Lola was a great cook, and many of her great recipes died with her. She always shooed me away from the kitchen whenever she would cook, so I did not learn. After her death though, I turned to cookbooks.

I posted the recipes of what I made, and they populated my blog for a time. I went to a job interview, where I included my blog in my resume. The interviewer said that she saw that I had plenty of recipes on my blog, and she asked if I wanted to be a food writer. I said no, and I felt the pain of not telling her the whole truth. I knew that I was only cooking to cope with lola’s death. I almost said this, but decided against it. I was paranoid that if I told her that, I would seem unstable, and I wouldn’t be hired.

More My Awesome Filipino Family:

Check out my other blog categories.

If you like this post, please subscribe to this blog. Ja is also on Twitter and FacebookTumblr, Bloglovin (for blogfor Tumblr). Email Ja at:

Note: For some entries in this blog, a few names and details have been deliberately and willingly changed by the author. This is a personal decision made by the author for specific reasons known to her and is not an endorsement for censorship.

All the opinions expressed in this page and in this blog are my own and do not represent the official stances of the companies, institutions, and organizations that I am affiliated with. I am a person. I’m not just a manifestation of corporate interests. I have an identity that is separate from my company because even if human beings are paid for a service by corporations, human beings are not owned by corporations. 


8 thoughts on “Someday I have to write about lola’s death

  1. It will come at the right time, when the thoughts/emotions align and the words are ready to come out. That’s something I’m learning to trust when there is something I want/need to write about.


      1. No worries, trusting it will. As Natalie Goldberg says, it’s composting. As life and thoughts sift through you, things are happening underneath and one day it will come out.


        1. I’ve only read Writing Down the Bones but would love to read her other books too since I loved it.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s