When lola died, I couldn’t even write a Facebook post. I posted a photo of her, and I don’t know what status I placed with it. I don’t know if I even wrote “I’ll miss you.” It was like I couldn’t write anything that was an acknowledgement of what happened.
I wrote an entry I remember lola but that was just a list of her favorite things. I had a speech during her wake, but I never wrote it. I just settled on a few stories to tell and said them.
The months right after she died, I couldn’t write in this blog. I suddenly started cooking. Lola was a great cook, and many of her great recipes died with her. She always shooed me away from the kitchen whenever she would cook, so I did not learn. After her death though, I turned to cookbooks.
I posted the recipes of what I made, and they populated my blog for a time. I went to a job interview, where I included my blog in my resume. The interviewer said that she saw that I had plenty of recipes on my blog, and she asked if I wanted to be a food writer. I said no, and I felt the pain of not telling her the whole truth. I knew that I was only cooking to cope with lola’s death. I almost said this, but decided against it. I was paranoid that if I told her that, I would seem unstable, and I wouldn’t be hired.
- Conversations With Lola: Aling Dionisia’s Illness
- Grandma and Good Fridays: No Laughing Allowed
- Lola’s Food Philosophy
- Painting an Old Woman
- Playing Around the Coffin
- Click here for more My Awesome Filipino Family
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Note: For some entries in this blog, a few names and details have been deliberately and willingly changed by the author. This is a personal decision made by the author for specific reasons known to her and is not an endorsement for censorship.
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