In my post Couldn’t think of a list of happy moments, I talked about how I had a hard time coming up with happy memories, which I felt were completely different from the easy task of listing down activities that make me happy. In that post, I said I was ruling out my moments of achievement because I did not want to create a list that just pumped up my arrogance. I also said that I will make exceptions if those moments truly made me happy, but if not, sayonara.
After reflecting about it though, I began questioning this self-imposed rule. If my achievements don’t make me happy, then why am I devoting so much time in the pursuit of them? Do I have wrong priorities, or have I just been not appreciating my achievements?
The latter is completely possible because every time I achieve something, I’ll feel a second of happiness and then I’ll be overwhelmed by a number of negative emotions. I can either feel scared of failing to fulfill expectations, unworthy of the recognition I received, pressured to outdo myself after, and other things that I shouldn’t be feeling because I should just be fuckin’ happy.
I also thought that maybe it’s not because my mind is not trained to conjure happy memories, but maybe it’s that I’ve placed such a high bar on what memory deserves to be on my happy list. True to my perfectionist form, I’ve ruled out my moments of achievement because none of them will ever be good enough. My god, it’s exhausting to be like this.
- The itch to inspire
- Sharing even though you’re not talented enough
- I’ve forgiven myself for not being ready
- To Shift or Not to Shift
- Click here for more Happiness and Inspiration
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