Trying to Kick two Bad Habits

I have two bad habits, and they’re kind of really bad. One is whenever I am riding a jeep/bus/fx that’s being driven by a reckless driver, I don’t go down. The second is when I get excess change, I don’t give it back. Whatt??!! Sorry. Ok let me talk about these two bad habits, and what I am doing to change.

I’ve been doing these two things for years. I don’t know when I started, and I don’t know what made me finally admit that they are wrong, but I’m glad that I’m finally doing so. So what made me do them? For the reckless driver thing, whenever it happens, I immediately think, “I have to go down”, but this thought is countered by a second thought, “I’ll get to my destination faster.”, and a third thought of hubris, “I don’t think I’m going to die”. Though being able to save time is tempting, I don’t think that benefit is worth risking my life. I’ll never know if I’ll survive or if this time around I won’t be lucky anymore. I have to stop pushing my luck. A few days ago I was riding an fx with my mom and I noticed that the driver was going too fast. I was looking at my mom and was trying to convey without words that I was concerned. It did not work. I told her I wanted to go down because the fx was too fast. She told the driver to go more slowly. I insisted I wanted to go down because I had a bad feeling about that driver. She and I went down.

For the second one, it is obviously a dishonest thing to do. I don’t see myself as a dishonest person. I generally don’t lie unless it’s a white lie and even that is rare. So now I’m wondering, why was it so easy for me all these years to do something that was clear cut dishonest? I don’t have an answer right now. I’ve rationalized it as “I’m poor”, but, come on, I’m not that poor as I am from the middle class. Usually, the excess change is only a few pesos, so I guess I don’t feel too guilty about it. Of course, that doesn’t make it right. Plus, the ones that make these mistakes are people who are even poorer than me as they are jeepney drivers, sari-sari store tinderas, salesladies, etc. So a few pesos for me might be a lot bigger for them. So a few days ago, it seemed like the universe tested me. I bought 20 notebooks and I anticipated paying around P600, but I was shocked when the cashier said my bill was P200. That has never happened to me. Usually, when people give me the wrong change it’s just P2 to P5 off, but this time, I wasn’t tempted at all to accept the bill as is. I pointed out the cashier’s mistake and paid the right bill which was P560.

Ok so I’m proud of myself, but how do I make sure that this change is permanent?

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Note: For some entries in this blog, a few names and details have been deliberately and willingly changed by the author. This is a personal decision made by the author for specific reasons known to her and is not an endorsement for censorship.

All the opinions expressed in this page and in this blog are my own and do not represent the official stances of the companies, institutions, and organizations that I am affiliated with. I am a person. I’m not just a manifestation of corporate interests. I have an identity that is separate from entities I am associated with. Even if human beings are paid for a service by corporations, human beings are not owned by corporations


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