So my mom told me that at the end of the year she rereads her planner. This helps her remember what happened during the year, and helps her plan the next year. That’s a good idea, but I couldn’t replicate it exactly. I use my phone as my planner and it automatically erases past events after a certain amount of time. So I decided to reread my diary. This was a much more challenging task but it yielded some interesting results.
-Freelancing did not work. It wasn’t financially sustainable so now I got a teaching job.
-I wished for a physical job, not just mental. I haven’t found that one yet.
-Good advice: stop binge watching tv shows when you are sad, write when you are sad
-Apparently I have a book of resolutions. Where is it?
-I wasn’t able to stick to my resolution to not buy a book for the entire year
– I did not build my fuck-off month savings. I was planning to save so I can fuck off for a month and do what I want
-My plan to concentrate on art changed. I am not concentrating on art anymore. I am even taking a break, and I don’t know if I’ll go back. It’s hard to admit, but I got tired of it on some level. I still like it on some level. I’m confused. Thus the conclusion: I need a break.
-I also got tired of journalistic writing. I’m taking a break
-I exceeded my Mark Zuckerberg book pact of reading 24 books in a year. I stopped counting after I read 24 books
-I have a new resolution: make a book pile of all the books I bought this year so I’ll know how much they are piling up
-My plan of going to art galleries to read their art books did not happen
-I regret not accompanying mama and Tita Marcy when they went shopping at Divisoria. I skipped it because I was tired. I should have prioritized spending time with family
-I did not create the donate button for my blog
-I said I’ll forgive my enemy but I didn’t
-After rereading my entries, I realized that I was happier than I thought I was. I thought I had a miserable year, but there were many parts of my diary where I was like “I’m so happy”. Nice to know
-I did not create my DIY jewelry
-I forgot all about trying to get 100 rejections (by submitting to lots of publications, workshops, and writing residencies)
-I forgot that I made a pre-diary section in my notebook of ideas. Now my pre-diary is my planner
-I kept saying I just recovered from a long spell of depression. Bakit paulit-ulit?
-I enjoyed reading the parts when I was talking about my beliefs and realizations. In the past, I was concerned that I talked too much about my feelings and not about the events that are happening in my life. Turns out, those things are interesting to read as well.
-Most heartbreaking thing I wrote: What if Donald Trump becomes the President of America?
-Nice sentence: In the midst of varying emotions: sadness, elation, anger, determination, ambition, arrogance, depression–I realized that I’m very lucky that I’m feeling all of these emotions as opposed to the boredom that I was feeling while I was stuck there
-I said I’ll study art history, but I didn’t
-I stopped reading about art everyday for 30 minutes and reading FT Weekend
-Nice sentence: I have so many feelings these days and one of them is fear. Nothing feels as exhilarating as fear.
-Nice sentence: I feel grateful that I feel scared
-Interesting thing I learned: “develop an inability to imagine failure” from Inc.com
-Nice line: You’ll always go back to the things you love even if it’s too late
-I realized that so many things changed for me this year. The things I thought I’ll do or love forever, I don’t anymore
Watch out for more Reflection posts.
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Note: For some entries in this blog, a few names and details have been deliberately and willingly changed by the author. This is a personal decision made by the author for specific reasons known to her and is not an endorsement for censorship.
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