Note: I’m trying to go back to writing fiction, and I realized that I love writing one liners and short dialogues, but there’s no story attached to them. So I decided to expand these one liners into short scenes. This story started with the line “And I am just gonna die about being awkward.”
And I am just gonna die about being awkward. No, I don’t have pimples, or eyeglasses, or advanced coding skills, but I have an over-active brain that likes controlling my mouth. He was just reading a book and she had her head on his lap, and I had to ask them what time it was.
They were startled. Yes, it’s not only them that was in this garden on a school day. People are allowed here right? We are all wearing the same uniform, so I guess we are from the same school, but I don’t know you guys, but we’ve probably seen each other in the hallways, or not.
And I just kept talking, when I could have stopped, and if I did just that they would have adjusted to the fact that another human being was in their presence, their facial muscles would have relaxed, and they would have answered my freaking question, good day to you, I said good day!
Sometimes love feels like a dark alley–
We have to live defensively or else we’ll be abused,
And it’s never the abuser’s fault for taking advantage of our vulnerabilities,
But it’s our fault for being “stupid enough” to assume that the people we meet aren’t monsters.
“Why can’t I accept the fact that I didn’t love him?” I saw this line in my diary, and at this point, I am happy to report that I am over the whole thing. I still remember though what made me write that question. I had broken up with a guy I dated, and he was the first guy that I dated for a period of time.
Before him, I went out with a guy on one date, and I fell in love with a guy who didn’t like me. So this guy, let’s call him Charles. Charles was technically the first guy I ever had. I was attracted to him and he was attracted to me and I thought that was it, we’d magically fall in love, and yebah it’s happily ever after. How naive. Continue reading “Why Can’t I Accept the Fact that I Didn’t Love Him?”
When an idea for a song, a poem, or maybe a dialogue, or a one-liner, I write it down. I don’t know what to do with these snippets yet, so I decided to share them on my blog. Here are the stuff I wrote about love.
- Still waiting to catch the next train out of your heart, out of everything we are and we aren’t.
- Coz I hate feeling like he’s the end of my world.
- Was he looking at me like he once looked at her—done, deranged, over.
- I surrender to destiny. Destiny surrender.
- Fuck, are you losing me? Woah.
- I found him, but he didn’t find me.
- I am not to be conquered. I am to be known and loved.
- Wish I were her, whoever she was, is, will be, your only love.
- There should be an expiry date when it comes to suffering for a love not attained.
- You’re lost, and I’m looking.
My mind holds a thought-powered
Magnet that used to pull
You to the right corridors of Ateneo–I’d think
Of you and you’d materialize just to say
You’d pass me by giving
Of your smile, never knowing
I willed you there, just so I can look
On and stare.
Get out of me, stay
Inked on the page, be
manageable I told
But there aren’t enough poems
In me to exorcise
And there aren’t enough poems
In me to realize