Fiction: I am just gonna die about being awkward

Note: I’m trying to go back to writing fiction, and I realized that I love writing one liners and short dialogues, but there’s no story attached to them. So I decided to expand these one liners into short scenes. This story started with the line “And I am just gonna die about being awkward.”

And I am just gonna die about being awkward. No, I don’t have pimples, or eyeglasses, or advanced coding skills, but I have an over-active brain that likes controlling my mouth. He was just reading a book and she had her head on his lap, and I had to ask them what time it was.

They were startled. Yes, it’s not only them that was in this garden on a school day. People are allowed here right? We are all wearing the same uniform, so I guess we are from the same school, but I don’t know you guys, but we’ve probably seen each other in the hallways, or not.

And I just kept talking, when I could have stopped, and if I did just that they would have adjusted to the fact that another human being was in their presence, their facial muscles would have relaxed, and they would have answered my freaking question, good day to you, I said good day!

Continue reading “Fiction: I am just gonna die about being awkward”

I Think I Loved Him as an Idea

I read this in my diary, “I think I loved him as an idea, but not as a flesh and blood human being that he truly was.” I was referring to the first guy I ever dated for a period of time. Before him, I only went out with a guy on one date and fell in love with another guy who didn’t love me back.

Continue reading “I Think I Loved Him as an Idea”

Sometimes Love Feels Like a Dark Alley

Sometimes love feels like a dark alley–

We have to live defensively or else we’ll be abused,

And it’s never the abuser’s fault for taking advantage of our vulnerabilities,

But it’s our fault for being “stupid enough” to assume that the people we meet aren’t monsters.

Continue reading “Sometimes Love Feels Like a Dark Alley”

I Stopped Blaming Myself for Other People’s Choices

When someone rejects you, the worst thing to ask is: is there something wrong with me? I used to do this in the past, but now I have stopped blaming myself for other people’s choices.

This was once hard for me. I remember being rejected by the first guy I ever loved. I was in college, and I was finally in a co-ed school. I had long been locked up in an all-girls school for years, and during my stint there, I did not make an effort to go to soirees or to the friendship bridge, the bridge between my school Miriam College and the all boys-school Ateneo (grade school and high school).

I didn’t do those things because I was too young to be interested in romantic stuff. Also, I was arrogant. I was so confident that I was beautiful enough to easily snag the guy I wanted once I met him.

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Why Can’t I Accept the Fact that I Didn’t Love Him?

“Why can’t I accept the fact that I didn’t love him?” I saw this line in my diary, and at this point, I am happy to report that I am over the whole thing. I still remember though what made me write that question. I had broken up with a guy I dated, and he was the first guy that I dated for a period of time.

Before him, I went out with a guy on one date, and I fell in love with a guy who didn’t like me. So this guy, let’s call him Charles. Charles was technically the first guy I ever had. I was attracted to him and he was attracted to me and I thought that was it, we’d magically fall in love, and yebah it’s happily ever after. How naive. Continue reading “Why Can’t I Accept the Fact that I Didn’t Love Him?”

Snippets of Love

When an idea for a song, a poem, or maybe a dialogue, or a one-liner, I write it down. I don’t know what to do with these snippets yet, so I decided to share them on my blog. Here are the stuff I wrote about love.

  • Still waiting to catch the next train out of your heart, out of everything we are and we aren’t.
  • Coz I hate feeling like he’s the end of my world.
  • Was he looking at me like he once looked at her—done, deranged, over.
  • I surrender to destiny. Destiny surrender.
  • Fuck, are you losing me? Woah.
  • I found him, but he didn’t find me.
  • I am not to be conquered. I am to be known and loved.
  • Wish I were her, whoever she was, is, will be, your only love.
  • There should be an expiry date when it comes to suffering for a love not attained.
  • You’re lost, and I’m looking.

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Where are the real love stories?

I’ve watched so many romantic comedies, and recently I’ve come to question whether they are true. By true I mean: are they accurate depictions of what happens between two people who fall for each other? Is it true that people who hate each other can fall in love? Is it true that people who were friends for so long can fall in love? Do fuck buddies fall in love?

Continue reading “Where are the real love stories?”