I am happy that I am writing fiction again, and here are the doubts and realizations that have led me back to this place. Though I am an art reporter who regularly churns out newspaper articles on a weekly basis, I am pretty rusty when it comes to writing fiction. I stopped writing fiction ever since I started working. On some level, it was a choice, and on some level, it wasn’t.
When I wrote short stories for my classes in college, I felt like I was merely “performing” like “oooh look at me, I can write”. My pieces were appreciated by my classmates and teachers because they did show off my skills as a writer, but on a personal level, they felt empty. I didn’t know why I was writing fiction, I didn’t know what I wanted to write about, and I didn’t know what I wanted to say.
“Why can’t I accept the fact that I didn’t love him?” I saw this line in my diary, and at this point, I am happy to report that I am over the whole thing. I still remember though what made me write that question. I had broken up with a guy I dated, and he was the first guy that I dated for a period of time.
Before him, I went out with a guy on one date, and I fell in love with a guy who didn’t like me. So this guy, let’s call him Peter. Peter was technically the first guy I ever had. I was attracted to him and he was attracted to me and I thought that was it, we’d magically fall in love, and yebah it’s happily ever after. How naive. Continue reading
Note: I wrote this when I was in grade school. The title was from a sticker that I bought.
You’re not my friend,
And neither my enemy,
We’re not that close,
But we’re not fighting either,
I know you’re lonely,
And I am too,
So if you’re looking for a friend,
I’d like to apply
There are so many tv shows about how a girl or a guy tries to find the love of her or his life. I wish there were shows where the protagonist was finding herself or himself. It’s a pretty dramatic part of life, this whole business of figuring out what you really want, of pursuing the specifics of a dream, and facing adversity.
Note: This is a song I wrote when I was in grade school
We are the fire of the night,
The shining girls of the daylight,
The she firing roses of the dark,
And the mysterious rose of the light,
Fire is our friend and night is our love,
Rays of the black roses.