(Note: Some parts of this piece were taken from my blog post A Shy Person’s Top 8 Worries and Fears)

When I was young, I was so shy, I couldn’t even buy something from the sari-sari store because I was too afraid to talk to the tindera. What tortured me the most was group conversations. Whenever I was with a group, my mind would go into a frenzy. I’d examine all my memories until I came up with one that was related to the current topic, I’d feel proud that I actually thought of something, I’d quickly but thoroughly edit it, I’d deem it fit after it passed several re-evaluations, I’d pray that people’s comments about this topic would be sustained until all of my re-evaluations were done, but at the end of all of this, someone would always talk about something different, the conversation would move on to another topic, and I would miss the window of opportunity to share my story. In the midst of my disappointment, someone would snootily say, “Jasmine, bakit hindi ka nagsasalita? Magsalita ka nga!”